Books Every Man Should Read

"These are the books the Internet says every man should read, and it's pretty disappointing," read the Huffington Post article title (Nov. 6, 2013). Aside from asking who exactly is Mr. Internet? (an unnamed conglomeration of digital sources), I wondered how many real guys voted for the list and if the vote was before or after their team's QB was injured: yes, that would make a difference. Huffington opined, "It's not that these are bad books individually... it's just that, taken together and put in these lists, they seem to showcase an infantile, reductive version of what our culture sees as 'masculinity.'"

Mr. Internet divided the thirty-some man books into five categories (war, brothers, politics, sex, and adventure). I didn't have a problem with the general divisions, though I would substitute science fiction/horror for sex because if a guy really wants to read about sex, he's not going to consult this list. I agreed with some of the books from Mr. Internet's list though not many. Others (such as Don Quixote by Cervantes) quietly should be allowed to quietly recede into English major optional reading lists. 

It's time to stand up, say I'm a man. I read, and I think I can do better. Here's my list.

1. Books about War. The Internet correctly chose two classic guy books to front this category: Slaughterhouse Five by Kurt Vonnegut and Catch 22 by Joseph Heller. Billy Pilgrim and Yossarian are atypical protagonists caught in the tragedy of their times as are most guys. Both novels are as chaotic as the conflict they describe, a perfect example of form following message. No problem there. I substituted the Internet's choice of War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy (I really need to read that some day), with The Lord of the Rings, by J.R.R. Tolkein. LOTR combines a buddy trip along with a manly, magical struggle between light and dark, plus the character names are easier to remember even in Elvish. And then, to replace predictable Internet selections from Hemingway and Mailer that no one reads any more, I chose another book no one reads any more (but should), Instant Replay: The Green Bay Diary of Jerry Kramer by Jerry Kramer. If a guy wants to read about the modern equivalent of war, there is nothing better than a book about Lombardi and the NFL.

2. Books about Brothers. The Internet's category parameters are a little fuzzy here. Sure, Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoyesky is an obvious choice, though I prefer Crime and Punishment. No to the collected stories of John Cheever and how did Corman McCarthy end here with The Road? Push that to another category. I'll agree to the Internet's choice of Hamlet by William Shakespeare, so long as I can add another play to modernize and fantacize the bard, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead by Tom Stoppard. And, I would include two-non fiction books of brothers bonding through creation: The Making of the Atomic Bomb, by Richard Rhodes, and Soul of a New Machine by Tracy Kidder. Nothing binds guys together more than puttering with incomprehensilbe tools in a undisclosed workshop somewhere. Los Alamos and Data General are the ultimate man caves.

3. Books about Politics. Kudos to the Internet choices of The Autobiography of Malcom X by Malcom X, Lord of the Flies by William Golding (though why not George Orwell's Animal Farm -- guys like bacon), and All the King's Men by Robert Penn Warren. I'll pass on Phillip Roth and George Saunders. My substitute choices for the theme, "Politics are a Man's Business," are The Best and the Brightest by David Halberstam, the excellent, continuing Lyndon Johnson biography by Robert Caro, and Lincoln's masterful maneuvering chronicled in Team of Rivals by Doris Kearns Goodwin. And, just for fun, I would add the politics of our souls in The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis.

4. Books about Horror and Science Fiction. I know that the genre has outstanding female authors such as Ursula LeGuin and James Tiptree, but go to a sci-fi con and 80-percent of the registrants are guys so I'll be guy-centric here. Start this list with the classics: The Tell Tale Heart by Edgar Allen Poe and Frankenstein by Mary Shelley (OK, yes, I did make an exception for this extraordinary fireside story). Horror doesn't get any better. Add Ray Bradbury's "I love to burn" Fahrenheit 451, Frank Herbert's Dune, and anything else by Harlan Ellison and Phillip K. Dick. The Road by Cormac McCarthy should have been here along with a dose of hard sci-fi; the three volume Mars series (Red Mars, Green Mars, Blue Mars) by Kim Stanley Robinson would work well. And the category could not be complete without Stephen King. For my taste, I would add The Stand and Pet Sematary, but you really can't make a wrong man-choice with King.

5. Books about Adventure. I kept five Internet selections here, after all what guy could argue with Treasure Island by Robert Louis Stevenson, Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain, The Call of the Wild by Jack London, Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad and Moby Dick by Herman Melville. Most guys cut their reading teeth on these books in addition to stories about Arthur, Robin and the Arabian Nights. I did cull Internet picks from Cervantes, Hunter S. Thompson, Patrick O'Brien (though my wife disagreed with this one), Don Delillo, Jack Kerovac, Robert Pirsig, James Joyce (who would pick Ulysses as an adventure book -- no wonder the original list was criticized as a "reductive version" of masculinity), and another Cormac McCarthy (a Western would have been good, but, sorry, I don't read them and this is my list). If other books need to be added -- and I'm not sure they need to be -- I would add The Right Stuff by Tom Wolfe, and something by Robert Ludlum and Tom Clancy.

Five categories and thirty-four books. Are there more? Indeed there are. Would others pick other books? Well, yeah, that's what guys do: we argue about inconsequential things (see category #3), but, I think, these selections up the macho level of Mr. Internet's list. From my man cave La-Z-Boy, these books provide more backbone to male literacy. Excuse my reach but pass the buffalo wings.